Core Values: The juicy joy of arguing about the perfect apple
Core Values: The juicy joy of arguing about the perfect apple
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Having a specific type of apple that you care passionately about.
It is the tail end of Apple Picking Season in these here parts and there is, inarguably, no better apple than an apple that you have plucked directly from a tree, washed thoroughly… washed again because holy momma they are filled with pesticides… and then chomped into delightedly, while still staring at the gnarly branch from whence it was plucked.
That apple is the best apple BUT what is the second best apple?
This is an important question and caring passionately about your favorite apple is a good way to add a bit of zest and sparkle to your life. Are you a Cosmic Crisp kind of person or more of a Pink Lady aficionado?
It is useful to know this, not only so you can enjoy the apple, but perhaps more urgently, so you have a fixed and determined stance on the great question of what is the best apple?
I have been to parties where lively debate has broken out when someone proclaimed that the Honeycrisp was superior, only to be shouted down by the Ambrosia contingent. The entire argument came to a screeching halt when one quiet person in the corner piped up, expressing a preference for a Red Delicious.
That person, you’ll be unsurprised to learn, was a serial killer. There is no apple more mealy, disappointing and icky than a Red Delicious. It’s very beauty — the deep red sheen, the adorable little reverse dimple bumps on its bottom, its misleading heft — all contribute to the profound sadness one feels on biting into the stupid, soft thing and realizing how garbage-y it truly is.
Red Delicious are like the apple the witch/stepmother gives to Snow White. It looks incredible, but it will nearly-murder you and take you away from a delightful life of light housekeeping and high-pitched singing and thrust you into marriage with a man who doesn’t understand active consent and has a thing for necking with corpses.
Back in the day the Red Delicious was one of about four apple options you had available… The others were Green (which I quite liked) those softer-yellowy ones and then a McIntosh which was always a REAL roll of the dice.
Anyway, we now live in the Golden (delicious) era of apple choice and I want to know what you value — Sweetness? Crunch? Tartness? Cute name? Tell me your fave! What IS the best apple?
Article Roundup!
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15 Great Family Friendly Movies to Watch this Year
Why Recycling is Mostly Garbage
Our Fifty Favourite Saturday Night Live Sketches
Treasure Hunter Finally Finds Golden Owl
The Definitive Ranking of Clowns
Sausage Slices and Love Notes: The list of things librarians find used as bookmarks
The World’s Most Iconic Train Journeys
World’s Foremost Expert on Whoopee Cushions and Silly Putty tells all
Junk Dealer discovered possible Picasso
The Oldest Hotels in the World - I want to go to all the theres.
How to put your phone down and get back into the habit of reading
Book Stuff
November 19 - Barrhaven!
I am so excited about this event! I’m teaming up with some of Ottawa’s TOP Crime writers for a night of drinks, treats and MURDER (mystery writing). Check out the deets below… and isn’t our poster the cutest?
December 7 - Orleans Christmas Market
I’ll also be heading the Orleans to be hanging out with four other mystery authors selling even MORE books! Look for us at the Orleans Christmas Market on December 7th!
Buy my books!
Free Books
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P.S. If you like apple picking and orchards and autumnal reads — check out Honor the Dead my latest murder mystery… It is set in the beautiful Eastern Townships at the height of leafy season and the murder takes place IN AN APPLE ORCHARD!
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EMPIRES. (Specifically bred for upstate NY).
Cortlands are my choice for fall apples. Spartans when Cortlands aren’t available. Love my Lee Valley Tools gadget that peels, slices and cores apples with the turn of the handle.