May I recommend
A push push lawnmower
Now, let me preface this by saying that we don’t have a vast estate, or even a tiny estate… we have a backyard. By city standards it’s a good size, but a chunk of it is given over to vegetable gardens bunny salad bars/slug nests. All that to say, there is not a huge expanse to mow.
Growing up, we lived in the country and had four acres — two of it was a field in front of the house that the local farmer cut every year for hay (I think… now that I consider this as an adult, I am not sure that was what was actually happening, because I don’t think I ever saw any hay bales there… I am a little fuzzy on that, TBH) the other two acres surrounded the house itself and it had to be maintained.
Luckily, my parents had the forethought to invest in the money-saving strategy of having five children.
The various bits of lawn were duly parsed out amongst the kids to manage and mow… There was The Island (a bit covered in lilac trees between the road and driveway where my friend Mélanie Noiseaux and I once discovered a dead bird filled with maggots… the thought of which is still my standard for queasy-inducing revulsion); The Peninsula — the bit that stretched from the driveway to the sandbox; the Big Back Bit —you can figure that one out; Lover’s Lane — a long narrow bit between two sets of hedges whose name was undoubtedly inspired by my family of redheaded children’s deep affection for Anne of Green Gables; The Orchard — containing two ancient apple trees I remember being carefully harvested in autumn so that we could race around pelting them at each other; The Fiddly Bits — the weird little bits that connected the various other bits; The Garden —I think… my siblings will undoubtedly send me texts correcting me on this — which was in front of the garden and was where the tent went for my sister’s wedding - truly one of the best weddings I’ve ever been too; and The Front Bit — again, you can figure that out.
Each bit had its plusses and minuses — The Island and the Peninsula were small, so good for the weak or the lazy. The Front Bit was before our very very quiet road, so there was a huge danger of someone cool from Massey-Vanier High school getting lost and driving past your house and spotting you — horrors! — doing a chore for your parents. Lover’s Lane was nice and flat, but very mosquito-y, etc.
Anyway, to do all that mowing (or to not do it, but to be nagged in an increasingly less passive passive-aggressive manner by our father), we had a big gas powered push mower. You had to rev that beast up with the string thinger and were strictly instructed to ALWAYS WEAR CLOSE TOED SHOES, although no thought was given to our young ears being exposed to the roar. That thing weighed four hundred pounds, smelled like a burned out car wreck and was literally never, ever cleaned or maintained.
When my husband and I bought our house and surveyed our yard, I undertook to be the lawn mower, but I chose to do things differently. We bought a push push hand mower from the glorious and unsurpassed Canadian store, Lee Valley Tools, which really is the best at everything it does. The lawnmower is heavy, it is utterly useless against the dandelions and I did once manage to snap the handle clean off, but it is quiet and peaceful and pushing it back and forth through the bunny droppings and slug entrails of my backyard, the scent of fresh cut grass wafting up, unbothered by the stench of gasoline, I feel at peace.
My daughter has now been roped into mowing the lawn, and she’s been assigned The Front Bit. Does she have to be nagged, in an increasingly less passive passive- aggressive manner to mow it? Oh yes. And you better believe I’ve instilled in her a horrifying fear of the toe slices that would come for her if she tried to mow that lawn in sandals. Finally, has that lawnmower ever been cleaned or maintained? I am outraged at the very idea! In some respects, the tradition lives on…
Leave Your Socks On
A Flight Attendant’s Etiquette Rules
I was horrified that any of these had to be stated… We are a grotesque species.
If it’s a long flight, by all means relax and take off your shoes, but there is never a reason to take off your socks. Foot smell is inescapable. Also, keep your feet to yourself. It is not acceptable to rest your feet on the armrest of the person in front. And I highly recommend putting your footwear back on to use the lavatory.
How to book Beyoncé
How To Hire a Pop Star for your Private Party
I love a juicy story about the excesses of the mega-rich… It inflames my rage in an invigorating way. This is a good one about the ridiculously wealthy and how they use their money to get musicians like Flo Rida to performa at bar mitzvahs…
A man with this kind of nest egg might never need to leave home again. But, on this evening, Flo had journeyed north on business: he was playing a bar mitzvah, for a thirteen-year-old boy and three dozen of his friends, in the well-to-do Chicago suburb of Lincolnshire. The bar-mitzvah boy, in keeping with the customs of his forebears, had chanted his way into adulthood; then, following a more recent tradition, the celebrants had relocated to a warehouse-size event venue that is highly regarded on Chicago’s mitzvah circuit. A production company had installed the décor, including roller coasters stencilled across the dance floor and a banquet table made to resemble a red Ferrari. The whole affair was invisible to the outside world, except for the word “Andrew” projected by brilliant red floodlights onto an exterior wall.
How to read the books you buy
Here’s a Way to Actually Read the Books You Buy
This is very useful info… Sometimes I use us my library App’s “For Later” shelf, but I just checked and there are 96 books on that, which is now stressing me out a bit. La la.
The truth is that only one book can be the next one you read. Those five books you add to the pile while you’re reading? Don’t think of them as the next five books you will read. They are five candidates to be your next book. Only one can actually win that coveted next-book status.
Book Stuff
I didn’t win the Crime Writer’s of Canada “Best Mystery Set in Canada” award, but honestly the book that beat me looks amazing, so check that one out!
Joanne Jackson, A Snake in the Raspberry Patch, Stonehouse Publishing
A Snake in the Raspberry Patch is a warm, compelling coming of age story set in a small Saskatchewan town during the early 1970s. In this “safe” place, where everyone knows everyone and where nothing much happens, residents are rocked by the brutal slaying of a local farm family. Liz, a teenager who takes major responsibility for raising her five younger siblings, narrates the story. She and her precocious younger sister are perceptive observers of town life and active participants in the quest to find the killer. Although local people want to think that the murder is the work of a stranger, the sisters come to suspect that someone among them is hiding a grisly secret. But what possible motive could they have for killing an entire family? Joanne Jackson skillfully uses humour, suspense and compassion in her exploration of the darkness that lies beneath the apparent innocence of smalltown life.
I also recently learned via looking through my SPAM FOLDER that the Honeybee Emeralds had been short-listed for the Next Generation Indie Book Award’s Best Debut. I didn’t win that one, either, but being shortlisted felt damn good! Yay Honeybee… If you haven’t read it, check it out — it’s good summer escapism — A Parisian romp featuring vineyards, perfumeries and glamorous jewels. You WILL like it.
Buy my books!
TikTok
But what about the Turtle
Where have the men gone?
This is fascinating
No fingers allowed
Sports facts I care about
Well, that is the wrong choice
She is a monster
Eek, this is intense
The stuff of nightmares. Why does no one help him??
Ha ha, this took me a while to get
They all know
A tough mother ducker
Seems about right
This happens in the Maritimes too
Goodbye Earl… I always tear up when Marianne arrives
This lady is very brave
Late 1900s music…
North is up
Who IS Cotton Eye Joe
Ambivalent at best
Bickering like besties
We really needed this rain
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I miss mowing my lawn! Once our push mower kicked the bucket, one of my former students who started a lawn business took over.