Hoping for things + the "virtue" of exercise + book launch!

Mar 27

May I recommend

Hoping for things

Don’t get your hopes up. Manage your expectations. Remember that it might not work out as you expect… we’ve all been given that advice at some point. The logic is sound. Don’t expect much and then be pleasantly surprised.

Under hope, over receive.

The problem is, it doesn’t actually work, does it?
There are things we want — a new job, a baby, a long-delayed visit from a friend — that we might not get. But we really, really want those things. Not getting your hopes up, not allowing yourself to fantasize about how wonderful it would be if that desire came true, being sensible and practical, denies you the joy and thrill of the wish.

The pointlessness of not hoping was made clear to me about ten years ago when I was talking to a friend who had put an offer in on a house she really wanted. We were discussing all the things that were wonderful about the place, and how she’d have to wait a few days until she heard, officially. Then I said, “Well, now, this might not happen, the inspection might be a disaster or something else might go wrong.” She agreed and we both paused. I had just put a major damper on our conversation. Then she said, “Actually, I am just going to hope it comes through and feel sad if it doesn’t.”
Mind blown.

Just feel sad. Just be disappointed. Feel your icky feelings. They’ll pass.

Instead of trying to protect yourself (ineffectively) from disappointment by not letting yourself hope, put yourself out there and really wish/hope/believe that it might. Get excited! Daydream! Have faith!

red love free standing letter — Photo by CARL HUNLEY JR on Unsplash

Why the hell not? You’re going to be sad if your desire doesn’t come through either which way. Not letting yourself hope doesn’t give you any actual protection, it just denies joy. If it all goes sideways, at least you will have had some pleasure from the possibility and then you’ll get to wallow in feeling sad and bummed out for a while.

There is not enough joy as it is. Grab hold of hope with both hands.

Are you hoping for something? Tell me about it in the comments below!

The “virtue” of exercise

Exercise is good for you. The Exercise industry might not be.

I liked this article and the paragraph below really struck me. I remember many, many years ago when I was doing a lot of running (this is relative - a lot of running for me!). I would run in the morning with my friend Kathryn and then come into work and “casually” mention my 6 a.m. jog in conversation with colleagues. They would inevitably say, “that’s amazing,” “good for you!” and I would bask in their praise. Except, what was so good about my slow shuffle along the Rideau Canal? How did it help them? How did it make the world a better place? Why was I being praised for this basically selfish thing I was doing for my own health (and at that time, because I thought I was FAT - sweet, stupid, brainwashed 26 year old me). Anyway, this idea that fitness is somehow virtuous and being “healthy” is a thing we should be wishing on everyone is actually deeply problematic.

In my lifetime, I’ve seen the image of the thin yet ripped body transformed from something desirable and maybe athletic into a powerful signifier of ambition, affluence, and self-respect. Both images are sellable, but the second is more insidious. “The fitness industry has a history of exclusion, catering to middle- and upper-class white people with disposable income,” Friedman writes in “Let’s Get Physical.” “Just as the rich get richer, the fit tend to get fitter and too often, the poor get sicker. And then there’s the problematic fact that exercising has, for several decades, been linked to virtue, creating stigmas against people who can’t or don’t want to or even don’t look like they work out.”

NOPEEEEEE

I let a baby bird nest in my hair for 84 days

My anti-bird stance has softened considerably in recent years and I am now even publicly pro-birdfeeder

, but this - THIS? - is a bridge too far.

Each day, he made little “nests” in my hair, on the groove of my collarbone, which filled me with awe. He’d tuck himself under a curtain of hair and gather individual strands with his beak, sculpting them into a round of woven locks, resembling a small nest, then settling inside. He would allow it to unravel when he was done and start again the next day.

I need to get better at this

How should we think about what we pay for clothes

I keep resolving not to buy fast fashion, to mostly thrift and when I do shop new, to mostly buy from a few small stores sourcing ethical and sustainable clothes… Then I get seduced by a turtleneck or a skort (oh the skorts) and I’m right back on my bullshit. I’ve got to keep working on it!

"Because of this lack of transparency, there may be a misconception that you pay more and it's good, you pay less and it's bad. But the whole industry isn't set up with human rights in mind," says Winterstein. "It's not to say there aren't some brands that are better and some that are worse, but from our perspective, there isn't a single high street brand that's paying all their workers a living wage."

The Honeybee Emeralds launches on Tuesday!

This is it guys, I become an official published author on Tuesday, March 29, 2022. I am so excited!

I’ve got a small, Covid-friendly thing happening in Ottawa on the day of the launch, but am hoping for a bigger in-person celebration (Covid-willing) on April 30th at 2pm in adorable Knowlton, Quebec at Brome Lake Books. I would love to see you there if you can make it!

I’ve been getting good reviews on Goodreads and have heard back from some early readers already, which is so encouraging and lovely and amazing. If you do read the book, (and you like it - very important caveat - ha ha) please leave a rating or even a review on Amazon, Goodreads, Barnes&Noble, Indigo, the library or whatever spot you frequent. It makes a big difference for sales. All you have to do is rate - just click those stars - a review isn’t even necessary! Also, if you wanted to post about the book on social media, I wouldn’t say no!

I am also super excited to talk about the book, so if you have a book club, and want me to drop in (either in-person if logistics allow or via Zoom ) for 45 minutes to talk about the plot, characters, process of writing, or even the best purse shop in Paris, send me an email and we can make it happen!