My massage therapist's advice to walk more loosely kinda changed my life

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Walking more… loosely (?)

I have this long-standing and annoying foot problem that only middle aged people get. [Oprah Voice]: Shout out to my Morton’s Neurommmaaaaaa!

Not to brag, but it’s the reason Dorothy has to be hospitalized in Season 1 Episode 18 of the Golden Girls and we discover that she’s afraid of doctors and she misses the Tap Dance Competition. So, Morton’s Neuroma is super famous.

Anyway, I have this stupid thing. It’s painful and means I have to wear giant cushy shoes at ALL times or risk stabbing nerve pain right in the front of my foot. Uncool.

I have done all the things (short of surgery, like Dorothy I am trying to avoid that nonsense). Physical therapy, podiatry visits, special orthotics, acupuncture, osteopathy and my favourite treatment — ignore it and pretend everything is fine.

Suffice to say, none of that worked and I resigned myself to a life of enormous, hideous, bouncy sneakers that make me look like a nurse. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that - nurses are legit heroes - bangs pot - thank you).

But then… I was getting a massage the other day and my therapist, who hates my Morton’s Neuroma almost as much as I do and who has been trying to eradicate it for years, was working on my calves (which are always tight because they are so freaked out by how much my foot hurts), spoke to me.

She said, “The problem is you have to walk around and as soon as you do, everything tightens up.”

I agreed, I have long thought my need to move from place to place was problematic, not only for foot reasons, but also for lazy reasons.

“But” she continued, “maybe if you, you know, try to walk more loosely.”

I stared at her blankly.

“I’ve noticed you sort of walk quickly and stomp in kind of a stiff way.”

RUDE

Also true.

I walk like Frankenstein is being chased by a pack of pitchfork wielding villagers.

I swallowed my outraged pride and listened.

“Maybe if you kind of try to roll more and loosen up…”
I left her office and immediately started Frankensteining my way home. Then I remembered her words and channeled my inner Fonzie (why are my references all from forty years + ago?) and tried “rolling” in a “looser” way.

It felt unnatural and goofy, but then I remembered Frankenstein (I know it’s his monster, but jamming “‘s monster” in interrupts the writerly flow, plus I find people who insist on the “monster” part are like the people who insist on pronouncing the “n” in Wednesday. Like, yes, we know that you are technically correct, but also you’re tiring).

I tried to relax, hurry less, strain less, and keep it “loose.” I was walking more slowly, but my foot and calves weren’t as tense and painful. My foot didn’t immediately start hurting. My calves were slightly less freaked.

So now I’m trying to remember to walk “more loosely.” Most of the time I forget. Despite my best efforts, I have not been able to eradicate my need to move form place to place. Now, however, when I remember to loosen up, it’s a more relaxed pleasant and dare I say, almost meditative, journey?

My foot still hurts, but maybe not quite as much?

At any rate, at least I look as cool as the Fonz.

Tell me about your weird foot problems in the comments below! Also, why did I think The Fonz was so handsome and cool? Henry Winkler is a lovely man, but he ain’t no Chachi.

Article Roundup!

I Watched Rotten Tomatoes’ 40 Lowest-Rated Films to Find Out Which Was Worst

This is a good article. I love the podcast How Did This Get Made, and this article is sort of the print version of a episode.

I wondered just how bad it was. I wondered just how bad they all were. And so this winter, a routine was established. I would settle on my sofa and load up a stinker. I thought it would be fun, in the way that indulging in things that are generally bad for you is fun, but instead I found my heart growing heavier each time, my critical faculties grinding to dust. My attitude to films began to resemble the feeling one has towards food after a particularly vigorous session at an all-you-can-buffet: no more.

I Want Community — But Am I Prepared to Put the Work In?

Community — more and more (and more and more) I think this is the answer to our problems… Not to keep referencing E.M. Forster (see below) but “Only Connect” are two pretty powerful words.

For Vogl, a community is defined not by common interests or physical space, but as “a group of people who share mutual concern for one another”. It’s the difference between someone you feel you could call on for help in the event of a 3am plumbing emergency, versus “someone you technically ate pizza with” once.

Key to that, Vogl continues, is commitment with no expectation of return. “For this to really work, and to fill the emotional – I would even say spiritual – hole, there has to be generosity,” he says.

The Cat’s Meat Man: Feeding Felines in Victorian London

This is a long, winding and weird article about the men who sold cat meat (meat for cat’s to eat, not the meat of cats) through the streets of Victorian London. I feel like there is some kind of novel that could be written about this, but I am knee deep in romantic Christmas inns at the moment, so invite someone else to run with this idea!

A cat’s meat man was an itinerant vendor who pushed a cart of cheap offal and horsemeat around residential streets while calling out something that sounded like “CA-DOE-MEE!” Sometimes he stopped at a house and delivered a pre-ordered package of meat, often threaded onto a long skewer. At the same time, his shout was the signal for householders and domestics to come out onto the pavement and buy their pets’ food straight from the barrow.

The 30 Best Love Triangles in Movie History

I’d argue this article forgets the greatest love triangle from E.M . Forster’s A Room With a View — Lucy Honeychurch — passionate piano player and bosom heaver — caught between Cecil Vyse and his spectacular pince-nez and George Emmerson’s naked swims and enthusiastic tennis serve — but dive in and make your own judgements!

Triangle: Peeta, Katniss, and Gale

The Hunger Games is proof that, even when characters fight for their lives, fans also want to see them fight for each other's hearts. In the Hunger Games series, Katniss (Jennifer Lawrence) is caught between sweet, always-loyal Peeta (Josh Hutcherson) and brooding, strong Gale (Liam Hemsworth)

Book Stuff

Wowee! I’ve never been to a more bustling book event then the Sunday I spent at the Robert Plante Greenhouse… I sold almost every book, chatted with 80 billion lovely and charming people and had a great time. I ran out of bookmarks, people. Bookmarks!

There is something truly wonderful about going to one of these and meeting such enthusiastic and supportive readers.

Shout out to another Ottawa-based mystery writer, Peggy Blair, who helped organize the event. Check out her books if you haven’t — they’re fab!

Don’t forget, if you want to buy any of my books — you can go to any independent bookstore and ask them to order them in, check out Bookshop.org or even Amazon.

You don’t see Speak for the Dead on this table because I SOLD OUT. Astounding!

My lovely sister took a lot of action shots. There are none where I am not making expansive hand gestures or weird facial expressions.

Free Books

The below books are are worth checking out. Click on the image to be taken straight to the discounted or free page where you can download the book and start reading. Some are also included in Kindle Unlimited.

Click here for the above books

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P.S.

Remember how I said at the beginning of February that I was going to dumb down my phone a bit, and take the social media off the main screen? Well I did that, and I think it kind of worked! I definitely scrolled less this month. I’m pleased and I’m leaving the socials buried in the back of my phone. Tra la!

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