The Library + book launches + mermaids

Mar 28, 2021

May I recommend

The library

Ottawa Public Library Rosemount Branch. Photo via OPL.

Oh, this is a surprise, Amy. A woman whose glasses’ prescription is so high she can’t read the big E on the eye charts; a woman who owns 9 different cardigans; a woman who read the encyclopedia for fun as a kid… That woman likes libraries? Quel shock extraordinaire!

Sneer all you want, I know that this recommendation is not without controversy.

I have heard the anti-library rhetoric: You will be aggressively shusshed; library books are heaving with bed bugs; the borrower before you read that book you’re holding on the toilet. The library itself is a snaky den of ill-behaved children, weirdos and nerds. The return date on that book is too stressful, and you have enough going on in your life right now.

I get it.

Except I don’t.

The library is this beautiful shining beacon of socialist values embedded in the very heart and fabric of our mechanistic, half-dying, capitalist patriarchy. Society has decided that people (all people, even the nerds and those ill-behaved children) deserve a space where they can access information, learn about the world and connect with others. Aside from Tammy Swanson,

the staff that work at the library mostly think that getting people their stories, no matter how weird or esoteric their request, is a noble gesture and worth the investment. It is a free service. FREE.

Also, if you hate going to the library because of the issues mentioned above, or maybe it’s just slightly too far to walk or where would you park? Guess what, now you don’t have to.

You can do it all online, baby. Order your ebooks with a few blip blop bloops on your phone. Download your audio books, so that you are learning about murders in Mesopotamia and time travelling Scottish lairds while doing the dishes.

Also, the library offers free subscriptions to a bunch of magazines and databases, that are really cool. Like, I’m talking Time Magazine cool. Finally, all of this online stuff just automatically checks itself back in if you don’t renew it, meaning you will never get in trouble with a pince-nez wearing librarian again.

A library card is a badge of coolness, it’s basically a pack of Marlboros in the rolled up sleeve of your white t-shirt.

So, have I convinced you to darken the door of your local bibliothèque and check it out? Leave a comment below.

Letters from Johnny

Guys, I know some talented people! My friend and critiquing buddy Wayne has his virtual book launch today. You should check it out - it’s a chance to feel sophisticated and literary with essentially zero effort on your part. Just tap on that Zoom link and if it’s boring, skulk away. No one will be the wiser, but maybe it will be amazing?

Also, Wayne’s book, LETTERS FROM JOHNNY, is GREAT… Funny and touching. It’s being marketed as a YA story, but let’s get real, we’re all reading YA, and this one has some interesting themes that you will be INTO. Super super bonus? It’s quite short, so you can whip through it in a day and then feel smug that you read a book over the weekend. Final plug? If it doesn’t sound like it would grab you, buy a copy and give it to some kid in your life. Undoubtedly that ill-behaved monsters will get a kick out of it.

Rumoured to have been woven by mermaids

The ancient fabric that no one knows how to make

I love these kinds of stories - a lost art form, exotic locales…

First, the balls of cotton were cleaned with the tiny, spine-like teeth on the jawbone of the boal catfish, a cannibalistic native of lakes and rivers in the region. Next came the spinning. The short cotton fibres required high levels of humidity to stretch them, so this stage was performed on boats, by skilled groups of young women in the early morning and late afternoon – the most humid times of day. Older people generally couldn’t spin the yarn, because they simply couldn’t see the threads.

Looking forward to getting my Hug on

Long Live Hugs

Heartily agreeing with this writer

For the past ten months, I’ve only hugged my wife, and I love her so much, but that still seems like some real Mike Pence shit to me. I feel so lucky to have had that much contact; I know lots of people who haven’t had nearly the same level of closeness with others during the pandemic. Still, I’m worried that the first new person I hug post-vaccination will have to support my full weight while I fully collapse into their arms like a teenager in the ’50s who just saw Elvis dance for the first time.

An ode to Lucille Bluth

Jessica Walters’ best Lucille Bluth Moments

Obviously very sad to hear of Jessica Walters’ death, but this round up of her top 10 Lucille Bluth moments will make you laugh, even if you never watched Arrested Development.