Who knew emotional regulation is a thing? Late onset menopause and undiagnosed ADHD set off a storm for me at a time when my life was in serious upheaval with a lot of trauma. Now diagnosed I have to learn a lot about understanding myself. I hear you so clearly and can completely relate to your words. I am 65, Mom to 2 incredible young women and wife to a pretty amazing man who puts up with me and my whirlwind of unfinished projects, stacks of books and my unpredictable emotions. My village constantly surprises me with accepting me as I am and supporting me through some difficult times. I can only hope that others who like you and like me can find their village and their person.
Wow, Karilyn, thanks for sharing! Yes, emotional regulation is a tricky beast! Sounds like you have a wonderful amount of support, which certainly helps!
46 year old woman here, and I just learned how to regulate my emotions last year. I'd had several unhealthy coping mechanisms for years, but all I was really doing was avoiding what made me feel uncomfortable. Honestly, it started after I watched the show Couples Therapy. I just started therapizing myself. When the familiar feeling of discomfort would appear, instead of doing anything and everything in my power to not think about it, I started getting curious about it. What is causing me to feel this anxiety? I went in reverse, peeling back the layers until I could dig no deeper.
I started inviting my demons to sit down with me and have a cup of tea and try and find out why they showed up in the first place. I did this over and over. Neural plasticity is an amazing thing, I created a new habit. I replaced the avoidance/running away knee jerk reaction with radical self acceptance. Which led to radical self love.
There's a lot of tools in my toolbox I can use when life throws me a curveball, and I add to that toolbox all the time.
All of this to say, I had to create a safe space for myself. I'd been doing it for the people I care about for years. I started speaking to myself internally the same way I do to my best friend. Or the way I'd speak to 10 year old me. It felt so awkward to be kind to myself at first, like I was faking it. But faking it til you make it actually works.
And it turns out that once you get past that initial barrier of fear, what's on the other side is always less scary than the fear was.
Wow, Beth. This is really beautiful and inspirational... That thing of talking to yourself as you would a best friend is huge, eh? Thanks so much for sharing!
Hey Amy, I think you're VERY funny! Might I expect a Venmo payment soon? Mike “Mr. Emoji” Waltz has cut me off because I posted something mean about his loose habit of including journalists in secret, life-or-death chats about national security.
Who knew emotional regulation is a thing? Late onset menopause and undiagnosed ADHD set off a storm for me at a time when my life was in serious upheaval with a lot of trauma. Now diagnosed I have to learn a lot about understanding myself. I hear you so clearly and can completely relate to your words. I am 65, Mom to 2 incredible young women and wife to a pretty amazing man who puts up with me and my whirlwind of unfinished projects, stacks of books and my unpredictable emotions. My village constantly surprises me with accepting me as I am and supporting me through some difficult times. I can only hope that others who like you and like me can find their village and their person.
Wow, Karilyn, thanks for sharing! Yes, emotional regulation is a tricky beast! Sounds like you have a wonderful amount of support, which certainly helps!
46 year old woman here, and I just learned how to regulate my emotions last year. I'd had several unhealthy coping mechanisms for years, but all I was really doing was avoiding what made me feel uncomfortable. Honestly, it started after I watched the show Couples Therapy. I just started therapizing myself. When the familiar feeling of discomfort would appear, instead of doing anything and everything in my power to not think about it, I started getting curious about it. What is causing me to feel this anxiety? I went in reverse, peeling back the layers until I could dig no deeper.
I started inviting my demons to sit down with me and have a cup of tea and try and find out why they showed up in the first place. I did this over and over. Neural plasticity is an amazing thing, I created a new habit. I replaced the avoidance/running away knee jerk reaction with radical self acceptance. Which led to radical self love.
There's a lot of tools in my toolbox I can use when life throws me a curveball, and I add to that toolbox all the time.
All of this to say, I had to create a safe space for myself. I'd been doing it for the people I care about for years. I started speaking to myself internally the same way I do to my best friend. Or the way I'd speak to 10 year old me. It felt so awkward to be kind to myself at first, like I was faking it. But faking it til you make it actually works.
And it turns out that once you get past that initial barrier of fear, what's on the other side is always less scary than the fear was.
Wow, Beth. This is really beautiful and inspirational... That thing of talking to yourself as you would a best friend is huge, eh? Thanks so much for sharing!
Love your articles, keep them up...we all need more of them...anonymous.
Hey Amy, I think you're VERY funny! Might I expect a Venmo payment soon? Mike “Mr. Emoji” Waltz has cut me off because I posted something mean about his loose habit of including journalists in secret, life-or-death chats about national security.
Ha ha. Given the news we're all giving our emotional processing a real workout lately!